She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
