There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love accidental penises.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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