Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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