i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
