I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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