So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize