Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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