im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
