I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think people are normalizing furries
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
