He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize