i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
