Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
