this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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