I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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