every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So vagazzling was a success
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
