honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
