Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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