I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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