i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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