Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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