Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
