I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there was a trapeze. enough said
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
