and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
