just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
