Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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