i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize