And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
