do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
third nipple confirmed
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize