I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize