best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize