I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
