i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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