Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
