He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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