3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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