Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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