I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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