how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
