Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
