Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
