Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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