when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
