awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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