Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
