did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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