i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
