and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
