I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Who died my cat blue again?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
