you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
