I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
