He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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