Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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