i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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