Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
is it fun? or sober?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
