Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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