If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
