So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Every concussion has its silver lining
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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