He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
