I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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