Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
