OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
