i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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