am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
