i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
