Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
