so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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