guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
