Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
