i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
