This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
