I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
