Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
