She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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