# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
