Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
