So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
