I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
