So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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